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Nightmare
As I wake up from my sleep, the weight of loss instantly engulfs me. It becomes heavier & heavier, suffocating my heart with a relentless ache. Reality crashes in with a merciless force, jolting me back to the painful truth that you are no longer here. Each morning becomes a dreaded ritual of confronting the void that now resides within me. The world around me feels distorted and unfamiliar, as if a piece of my soul has been lost forever. With each waking breath, I find myself suspended between a longing for what once was and the harsh reality of what now remains.
Conduit
"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
-A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)
The price of love is grief. There is no great love without great pain. The darkness flowing through me is proof that you were here, you were real, and I was loved.
In memory of my tabby boy, the love of my life - Atom
Void
The void reaches out to me relentlessly, like an immense gravitational pull. The weight of loss is heavy, it touches the sweet memories of you with it's dark hands, taints them, and turns them into something bittersweet. If only, this black hole was a time machine that could take me back to you.
In memory of my soul cat, the love of my life - Atom
Black Mirror
The more I isolate myself, the more I escape. The more I escape, the more I isolate. It has been way over a decade since I gave into the allure of the black mirror. The real world is threatening, draining, unsafe. The real world relies on the sun & the moon, but this screen is ever glowing. On this screen, no one can hurt me. Pixels can't hurt like people can. I can pretend to smile with pain dripping from my eyes. And yet, I feel disconnected, alone, unseen. Now my aching spine & my empty house tell the story of where I've been all this time. And where I've been is not here.
Elegy
I held the frail little body of my soul companion in my arms... cold, stiff & unmoving. A hole in the ground is before me, calling out his name. I can't let go, I won't let go.
Dissociation
A feeling of disconnection,
A loss of time and space.
My mind is floating, drifting
In a dreamlike state.
I am lost in my own mind,
Trapped in a fog of confusion.
A spectator of my own life,
A stranger in my own flesh prison.
I try to hold on to
the present moment,
but it slips away
Like sand in an hourglass
It refuses to stay
Savior Complex
This must be divine intervention
I fell into your way
I could see your wounds like no other
Without me, you'd be astray
Rest your worn out soul here
My arms can be your sanctuary
I am made of light & love
There's no burden I couldn't carry
I can be what you need me to be
To feel needed is my need
I'll persevere through a thousand cuts
I do not care if I bleed
I was put on earth to rescue the hurt
To unburden you from this pain
To fulfill this purpose is crucial
Without it, I exist in vain
Splitting
This must be divine intervention
I fell into your way
I could see your wounds like no other
Without me, you'd be astray
Rest your worn out soul here
My arms can be your sanctuary
I am made of light & love
There's no burden I couldn't carry
I can be what you need me to be
To feel needed is my need
I'll persevere through a thousand cuts
I do not care if I bleed
I was put on earth to rescue the hurt
To unburden you from this pain
To fulfill this purpose is crucial
Without it, I exist in vain
Cognitive Dissonance
It's ok, no one is perfect
These venomous words are just
your father's empty whisky bottle
It's ok, we belong together
The lasso around my neck is just
your mother's coddle
You are the kindest in the world
So full of compassion
These bruises are only proof
that your soul is full of passion
Three days & not a word
I know it's not for the lack of devotion
I mustn't reveal my frivolous heart
This burning desire is a foolish notion
Psychotherapy
There's a shadow in the corner of my room
It makes me dance like a marionette
It hums constantly in my ears
It's strings attached, but it makes me forget
I can't see it, or touch it
Barely aware of its existence
Yet it haunts me day and night
It chants it's spells with persistence
I make a resolve to cut the strings
It reveals it's face, familiar yet strange
I speak to it, shaking & afraid
My protector, my captor, long estranged
Anhedonia
The day breaks outside my window
A reminder of my breath
I try to align myself to life
But find myself chained to the bed
I walk through the haze to arrive at the center
Horrified of what I find there
A black hole, growing and roaring
Devouring the light & the air
Consuming every acknowledgment of beauty within me
The cheer of every flag on an unclimbable mountain
Every hope, every kind word, every confession of love
The void, an incessant reminder of this desolate burden
Aphasia
I saw my father helpless, hopeless
When the flowers began to wilt the moment they would grow
"can you draw it?"
I lost my ability to hold a pencil a long time ago
"can you write it?"
But how do I write a language I do not know
The bitterness turned to despondency
The pendulum oscillated between rage & hurt
My words broke in half long since
so I put them in an iron box, & buried them in dirt
And now I open the box & see only rust & ashes
For now all of them are lost
Greed
The gold digger stereotype is often rooted in societal expectations that historically placed women in a position of economic dependence on men. Women's limited access to economic opportunities and financial independence throughout history was always used as a tool of oppression & has contributed...
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Lust
One of the seemingly worst words a woman gets called is 'slut'. It's as if the most shameful thing a woman can be is sexual, or worse, enjoy it. Many women hesitate from exploring their own bodies and it’s needs due to the shame associated with self...
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Wrath
Emotions are something all humans experience. However, like most things, they are also gendered by society. Sadness, hurt, and the other "weaker" seeming emotions are associated with women. Anger & aggression are mostly associated with men. Wrath stands up for itself. Wrath stands up for itself. Wrath demands change. Which means ...
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Vanity
Vanity is often a vice associated with women. Society often reduces women's worth to their looks. This comes from the idea of women's bodies being commodities. Conventionally attractive women statistically do better than those not deemed attractive enough for beauty standards at the time. Women who's natural ...
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